Andras Lenart

Services / Attachment

Attachment Therapy in Victoria, BC

For the patterns that run your relationships — learned early, running automatically, and workable at their source.

Knowing your attachment style hasn't changed it

You've probably already diagnosed yourself. Anxious. Avoidant. Some disorganized mix. You've read the book, taken the quiz, watched the videos. You can narrate your pattern while it's happening.

And it happens anyway. You know your partner is trustworthy; you can't trust them. You know you're pushing someone away; you keep pushing. You know the reassurance-seeking is excessive; the anxiety doesn't care what you know.

What's running underneath:

  • Early attachment learning — what your first relationships taught you about closeness, safety, and what happens when you need something. If care was inconsistent, dismissive, intrusive, or absent, you adapted. Brilliantly, at the time.
  • Relational wounds — the specific moments that taught you connection costs too much, or that you have to perform to be kept.
  • A nervous system trained on it — closeness now triggers anxiety, shutdown, or vigilance before you've had a single thought about it.
  • Working models — silent assumptions about whether you're lovable and whether people stay. They run every relationship you enter, and you never see them running.

None of this was a choice. It was survival, relationally speaking. Which is exactly why insight doesn't touch it.

How this work is different

The attachment-style framework is good taxonomy and weak medicine. Naming the pattern is where most approaches stop; it's where this one starts.

We locate the specific beliefs under your responses — I'm not safe being vulnerable. People leave when they see the real me. Closeness means losing myself — and update them where they were encoded: through emotional experience, not argument. We work with the parts of you that learned these strategies, and give them a different experience in the present. We track what your body does when someone gets close, and teach it — experientially, repeatedly — that safety is available.

The measure of this work isn't a better vocabulary for your patterns. It's the next relationship behaving differently.

This works best if:

  • You know your attachment style — and knowing hasn't changed it.
  • The same relational pattern follows you from partner to partner.
  • You want to feel differently in closeness, not just narrate it better.
  • You're willing to have the pattern show up in the room — including with me.

This may not be right if:

  • You want attachment-theory education rather than change work.
  • You're mainly seeking advice about a specific partner's behaviour.
  • You're expecting a quick fix for patterns that took decades to build.

FAQ

Can attachment styles actually change?

Yes — attachment patterns are learned, and learned patterns can be updated. The research term is "earned security." The style label describes your history; it isn't a prognosis.

Is this individual or couples work?

Both. Attachment work in individual therapy changes how you show up in every relationship; in couples work, we work with both partners' patterns as they meet.

Ready to start?

If you recognized yourself here and want to work at this level, get in touch — a few lines about what's going on is plenty.

Fees & Coverage

Individual: $175/session · Couples: $190 (50 min) or $265 (80 min) · $5 off with e-transfer.

As an RCC and CCC, my services are covered by most extended health plans in Canada; I provide receipts for reimbursement. A limited number of sliding-scale spots are available.